|Final? port access: bloodwork for the port removal|
So, like I said, monkey brain.
|Just a few of the tools needed for a port access.|
Fortunately, I am not criticizing myself for this (that would be counterproductive), but rather noting it and moving on. I am trying to be in a place with no self-judgement, only loving-kindness, or maitri. But more on that later.
Hear ye, hear ye: I am getting my port removed on Thursday. For such a small piece of equipment, this feels like a big milestone. I've read on some cancer forums that some oncologists recommend keeping your port in for up to 2 years after your first clean scan, you know, just in case. Luckily, mine felt quite comfortable allowing me to schedule the de-portation pronto. And while I'm sure I'll have some soreness there for a long time, I'm hoping it will lessen as the years go by (fingers crossed for years going by).
This morning, a beautiful box of produce arrived from Suburban Organics. I purchased a deal on Living Social a few months ago and had been waiting until Spring to schedule a delivery. See how beautiful? And very little packaging! Plus, they reuse the boxes and liners (when you get your next delivery, you return them). This is sort of a test run to see if we can use all of the food in here (and this is a small box)! I like that I could substitute anything on the list with something else in season (up to 5 substitutions), so I did not have to get a bunch of swiss chard if I wasn't really going to cook it. I like zucchini better.
|I think I'm in love|
In other news, I have enjoyed video chatting with my kids at school the past few weeks. I even read a few books to them over the computer. People continue to ask me when I am planning on returning to work. I have mixed feelings about this (the returning, not the asking). On one hand, I know I'm physically not quite up to the job yet. My breathing continues to feel as though it's through cotton balls, I get light headed easily and I still need a nap around 2:30 every afternoon. On the other hand, I am not ready to call it a year. A year of my life to cancer. I know it could be much worse and I know there are other ways I can frame it, like this is time to heal, to take care of myself, to bring my body and mind back to a place of strength, yadda yadda yadda.
But any way you look at it, it's still time that took me away from living freely, from my job as a parent and as a teacher, necessary but sucky time that put us further away from having another child... And so I am still grieving for that time lost (or stolen). Clearly, I don't have an answer for when I'm returning to work. For now I will continue to e-visit and iChat with my kids, cook yummy foods, practice yoga and meditation, make puppets, sew, get my port removed, and rest up.
|Argh. and Shiver me timbers.|
|My first pirate puppet: Henry of the High Seas|