50/50

As if.  As if I could keep a secret.

Many apologies for my absence the past few weeks.  Medically speaking, not much is new today, but the month of August was eventful to say the least.  I realize that's a tease, but that's okay by me since there has to be something new to read when the book comes out.

Meanwhile, we've survived an earthquake, a hurricane and tornado warnings this past week (along with most of the East Coast) and have been rewarded with a cool, crisp evening, crickets peacefully chirping outside.  Not that I would welcome anymore rain, but it does tend to drive away that marching band...

Tonight I broke my no sugar rule and made cookie dough (if you roll it into little balls and freeze them, you can have warm, homemade cookies in 10 minutes whenever you please).  They are made with whole wheat flour and organic sugar, blah blah blah - they're still chocolate chip cookies.  The best part about them is you can just cook them until they're almost finished and eat them hot and gooey.  Tomorrow, back on the wagon.  All this being trapped indoors thing (yes, it was only about 24 hours) made me want to eat sugar.

School starts soon and I am trying my hardest to be ready by October.  I push myself to take walks and to try to cook (pancakes for breakfast, anyone?).  I know I need to be ready to move - like, a lot - if I'm going back to the classroom.  I try to monitor my heart rate and note when it's racing to see if there's any connection to something I did or ate.  So far, no dice.  The holter I wore a few weeks ago showed a slight decrease in my heart rate since taking the beta blocker (previous time my avg. bpm was 105, this time it was 92).  While that is definitely a step in the right direction, it does nothing for my dizziness (or lightheadedness) but increase it, as it decreases my blood pressure.  What's more, my heart rate jumped up to 148 a few times (once after taking a zantac - the most gentle of acid reducers around).  What the heck?

Nevertheless, I couldn't resist getting new folders and labels and copybooks and pencils and glue sticks for my maybe kids this year.  Last August there was not a chance in all of Atlantic City that I was headed back to school in September as I was busy with rounds 5 and 6 of chemo.  This year is a different story.  I am still recovering, though, and I wish I could just hurry up and heal my insides back to normal.  Or at least, whatever my permanent normal is going to look like.  You know how this uncertainty does a number on my anxiety.

What can I do to take an active role in my recovery, when what my body needs most is time?  I've put myself on a series of vitamins (recently including an excellent probiotic) and supplements intended to reduce inflammation and restore immunity and wellness.  I try to take a walk (usually with the dog) every day that the sky or the Earth is not rockin and rollin.  I try to distract myself or do some meditation (does a long bath count?) or maybe read a trashy magazine in an attempt to let my shoulders drop down below my neck.

I know I can't rush things.

This week should be an interesting one.  I have my 6th (please be final) cavity to be filled, some blood work and acupunture to attend to, though not simultaneously.  Then, next week I have my first PET scan since March.  I am absolutely convinced it is not going to go well.  This is how I do things, people, I must expect the worst possible news so that I can be pleasantly surprised if I find out I am wrong. 

My experience involved a lot more tears.

Last week, I was sure I had stomach cancer and also probably some kidney cancer thrown in too.  I wonder if I will ever reach a point where I will have a stomachache and NOT think it's cancer.  I also wonder what the odds are that I maybe DO have stomach cancer.

This Tuesday, Dan and I are going to an advanced screening of 50/50, the upcoming movie about being a young adult diagnosed with cancer (based upon Will Reiser's experience with spinal cancer).  I am slightly nervous about keeping it together - aw, hell, I will surely not be able to keep it together - and not making a complete scene in the theater.  But I am looking forward to the cleansing aspect of it, that I even get from watching the trailers, that says I have been where you are, the stages, the baldness, the being sick and sick of it all.  While I wouldn't wish any of this on another person, it's nice to know that someone else understands.

Wouldn't this be awesome?

I'm off to sip my fresh watermelon mint juice (thanks to Dan and the amazing Breville c/o Michali and Jimmy).  Nighty-night.

xxoo

Sugarless

steel cut oatmeal, peaches and blueberries with some very green powder mixed in

The newest diet is sugar-free.  Well, rather, refined sugar-free.  I can have fruit and other natural sugars, but in an effort to reduce the inflammation (and the discomfort it causes), I have decided to eliminate all of those non-natural sugary foods from my diet (temporarily).  And honestly, it's nowhere near as restrictive as the Green Diet (which I failed to stay on for more than 3 days), so I am feeling pretty successful.

banana.  whip it.  whip whip it real good.
(photo c/o serial baker)

I was nervous about last weekend, when we stayed at the beach for a few days.  I knew we'd be visiting the boardwalk, the ice cream man would be walking up and down the shore, hauling his sweet and cold wares...  How would I be able to resist a classic soft serve in a cone with chocolate magic shell coating?  My answer:  Banana Whip.  You may be unfamiliar with this amazing deliciousness.  So let me be the first to tell you what's in it.  Bananas.  That's it.  Frozen bananas get put through this whipping/grinding/masher type machine which turns them into a banana soft serve.  Of course, you could get toppings sprinkled, but I like to enjoy the frozen banana crystals on their own.  It's a perfect solution, even if you do have to drive to New Jersey to get it.

Honestly, while I know I would really enjoy a doughnut (also hard to pass up at Juniors, where they sell Banana Whip in Margate, NJ), or a loaded brownie, or even just a whole wheat chocolate chip cookie straight out of the oven (thanks again, Shir), I find it's not that hard to say no.

brown rice cakes, almond butter and pureed strawberries

I always feel a little gross after a sugar binge, so the fact that it's just not an option reminds me that I don't want to feel gross.  Honestly, I already feel sluggish and bleh, adding more muck to the mix doesn't sound like a spectacular idea.

While at home, I am big on cutting up a ripe mango, mixing in a few spoonfuls of greek yogurt (full fat, baby), then sprinkling sunflower seeds and maybe a small drizzle of macadamia nut honey on top.  That was tonight's dessert.  SO good, I could've eaten 3 more bowls.  Sadly, I must wait for the other mangoes to ripen.

VERY PINK

I've gotten back to my Deceptively Delicious ways as well.  I know this cookbook caused quite a stir when it was first released.  In my opinion, it's a great way for me to get more vegetables into the foods I eat with my family.  I do not deceive my child into thinking there aren't healthy ingredients in his food.  However, I ask for his help in the preparations (if I have the patience), and he sees the pureed cauliflower and beets that are required for some of our favorite recipes.

not AS pink, but more delicious after being cooked

Last night, we gobbled up the pink pancakes (pureed roasted beets, ricotta, grated apple, cinnamon, vanilla, water and w.w. pancake mix) topped with raspberries and some organic maple syrup.  I will admit, when I cut back on sugar, I tend to make healthier choices that keep me full for long periods of time.  Breakfast on the run this morning (as I dashed off to have just half of my cavities filled...) was just an apple cut up and slathered in almond butter, the freshly ground kind from WF.  Really yummy and I wasn't hungry until 1 (by which time the novocain had worn off and I could attempt to chew foods without tearing apart the inside portion of my cheek).

While I still can't see myself going vegan (Sorry, Kris Carr, I like yogurt and feta and sometimes even chicken), I can try to get more veggies into my diet and less crap.  Next up:  adventures in juicing...

xxoo

PS. My apologies.  I am not a food photographer.