Honored

After all of the terrible mosquito bites I've endured in my life, I never thought I'd see the day when I was grateful to see a bug bite on my foot.  But the reality is that if I'm itchy, I become panicky.  If I look to the itchy spot and see nothing, the panicking continues.  If I see there is something to be itchy about, I can relax.  Thus, when I see an actual mosquito bite, I sigh with relief that there is a reason (other than cancer shmancer) to scratch my foot.

And the next scan is now 2 weeks away.  So I'm gearing up for the news, on the lookout for possible signs of a recurrence.  The continued breathing issues as well as the tachycardia don't help matters much, but we're dealing the best we can.  This includes many many cups of tea and a MOST delicious raspberry-rhubarb pie from Food For All Market in Germantown.  I cannot keep my spoon out of it.

A visit to my school on Friday also helped take my mind off of the impending scan.  I was invited a few weeks ago to come for a surprise.  Apparently the kids had planned something (or this is what I was told) and all I knew was where and when to show up.



What I quickly discovered was a plan that was orchestrated by two very caring and wonderful parents to honor me!  They prepared some appreciative words (even though I've been out of the classroom all year) and had many of my kids read aloud excerpts from this very blog.  Of course there were many tears (both mine and the kids'), but also laughter and smiles.  After all of the beautiful sentiments were expressed, I was presented with an amazing quilt - the squares decorated by many of the kids, parents, and staff members of my school - assembled by a super-crafty mom.  Of course, they made sure the colors were all purple, green and pink (another fave) and there were sparkles and words of encouragement everywhere. 

I was truly speechless (and that's saying something).  Even now, I'm finding it challenging to articulate how it made me feel to be honored this way.  I just felt so loved and lucky to have such thoughtful and determined people in my life. 

This year has been such a roller coaster of emotions.  One feeling that would come and go has been guilt.  I feel guilty that I couldn't spend a second year with my students (especially since I LOVE 4th grade) and that their parents spent the year thinking I would eventually return, but I didn't.  I felt guilty that I couldn't do my job, or rather, that my job description had drastically changed.  Now, instead of leading discussions every day about major themes in literature or exploring different methods of problem solving, I became a juggler of doctor appointments and alternative healing methods.  I went from being a full time working mother to being a sick person. 

Aside from feeling loved and lucky, I felt reassured by these wonderful parents.  It was okay to be taking care of myself (even though I'm way more familiar with taking care of others).  They were just happy that I had kept in contact with their children.  Quite frankly, I couldn't have imagined it any other way.  They are MY kids, too. 

xxoo